Category: Surreal Takes
Commentaries that feel like a fever dream but are probably right
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How My WiFi Router Accidentally Joined a Pyramid Scheme
I thought it was a firmware update.A harmless little “fix the bugs and maybe stop disconnecting during Zoom calls” patch. But no. My router, my loyal blinking overheating plastic brick, was being pulled into a multi-level marketing cult for next-gen mesh network prosperity. It started small.The network name changed from NETGEAR-52 to FreedomMesh Elite Level Read more
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Time Isn’t Real and Neither Is the DMV
There’s a special kind of madness that hits when you’re trapped at the DMV. Not regular madness like frustration or boredom but a bone-deep feeling that the clock is fake the ceiling tiles are watching you and that you’ve never actually left. You just keep dreaming you did. I don’t think time exists. Not in Read more
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What If Your Houseplant Is Just Waiting for You to Die So It Can Get the Lease
Look. I do not trust plants. People think they are harmless just because they do not make noise or have thumbs, but that is exactly what they want you to believe. You bring a plant into your home, give it sunlight, water, soft music, maybe even a cute name like Fernie Sanders, and you think Read more